Te Amo
by conventgirlvampire
Summary: "I love you." In the end it means nothing at all.


**Title:** Te Amo

**Characters/Pairings:** Faberry, Pezberry

**Word Count:** 2,922

**Spoilers:** Anywhere in between season 1 and most of season 2. AU in that no Brittana payoff.

**Summary:** "I love you." In the end it means nothing at all.

**A/N: **So, I have no excuse except that I have no internet access and I'm taking time off to actually plan my fics. Hopefully, I'll be able to post next week but that depends on my schedule. University is...a lot of reading so I might get distracted by that.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it. Never did. It's as depressing to me as _Jane Eyre_ is. Title from Rihanna's _Te Amo._

* * *

**Te Amo**

She could not believe it, could not bring herself to accept what had happened in the last few hours. It was not real, could not be real, not when…not when everything had been so perfect before.

Curling into herself, she pressed the palm of her hand to her mouth to stop the sobs before they could echo around the room. She wanted so desperately to scream, wanted to let everything out, but she could not, would not give her the satisfaction.

"Rachel…"

She shook her head as the other girl attempted to reach out to her, attempted to touch her in some way. She did not want that contact, did not want to feel that tenuous link between them that had always been there made real.

She did not even look up when the girl sighed and left, a quiet apology leaving her lips as she walked out of the door seemingly for the last time. She did not acknowledge that final goodbye, too scared that it was just that, a final goodbye.

Hours passed by, time meaning nothing as she let her soul sink deeper into itself. Eventually, she would put on her show smile and face the world, but that time was not yet here. Now, she just wanted to sleep, too tired to even think beyond the memory of "I love you" that still echoed in her mind, even now.

* * *

"I need to go," she whispered to herself as she sat parked in her car outside of the now grey house. At least, it seemed grey to her. It was supposed to be full of warmth and life but all she could see as she stared at it was grey, the colour melting away as its sole occupant struggled with a broken heart.

She had not wanted to do it but she had to, had to face the truth that she was not ready for this, not ready for what it meant to be in love with a girl, to be in love with _her_. She was not ready to deal with everything that came with it, not ready to deal with the emotions that she was forced to feel.

Shaking her head at herself, she could not believe that she was being such a coward but, then again, that was who she had always been. It was just so easy to run away and not have to face anything, not have to face the truth, and that was all she wanted now.

Some other day she would deal with it but for now…for now she would live with the lie that her heart was not shattering within her as she left.

* * *

She could not tell you how much time had passed since Quinn's departure, could not tell you how long it had been since she had had her heart broken. All she knew was that it still hurt so much and she wanted to rip it out of her chest just to stop feeling so much all at once and yet, nothing at all.

There was a void now but she could not let herself think about it, could not let herself be absorbed into it. Quinn was her…she was everything and now she was nothing and all she felt was pain.

It hurt in ways that she had never felt with Finn or Noah. The closest she could think of was the betrayal she felt after the affair with Jesse but even that paled in comparison to what she felt now, the strength and intensity of it rendering her all but paralyzed as she lay there, her body no longer wracked by sobs but exhausted all the same.

Thoughts raced through her mind and all she could focus on was the single question of what had happened to bring them to this, what had caused all of this. It was the only thing that mattered and the only thing that she could not figure out.

* * *

She let herself into the house quietly, not wanting to disturb Rachel if she was asleep or busy. She knew that she should not be there, that she had no right to be there after everything that had happened between them, but she could not help herself. Something told her that she needed her and the call from Quinn had only served to confirm it.

Moving as noiselessly as she could, she made her way to the girl's room, standing in the doorway as she watched Rachel stare blankly at the ceiling. There was nothing there of the girl she knew and pretended to hate, nothing of the life that had been there just the day before. There was only an emptiness that she could feel in her bones, a nothingness that attempted to pull her down with it.

The bed dipped beneath her as she slid behind the girl, her hand slipping around her waist in not so much a hug as it was a caress as her fingers brushed lightly over the sliver of skin bared beneath the raised hem of her shirt. Pulling her closer, she nuzzled her cheek into the brown hair in front of her and sighed.

She knew that this would happen, that Quinn and Rachel would eventually stop the games they played with each other and get together, only to implode. She had hoped that it would never happen but she was helpless to interfere, helpless to stop the inevitable.

"Tana…"

Rachel turned in her arms to face her, eyes searching hers even as she brought a hand up to cup her cheek. She willingly sank into that touch, needing it now just as she had needed it back when they were younger and everything was less complicated. It was an instinctive move, one that had never been forgotten before though she had never been sure if it would ever be welcomed again.

"She left you."

Rachel nodded and closed her eyes, ducking her head as she moved closer. She could feel the smaller girl burrowing into her, fingers gripping her shirt tightly, almost as if she was trying to climb into her and, surprisingly, she was okay with it now. Before it had been…scary but now it was everything she wanted.

"I loved her. I loved her so much that I gave her almost everything and I never thought she would…I never thought that we would be over."

She could hear the pain in her voice, the way Rachel held her breath after speaking as if exhaling, living, would break her. It hurt to know that she could not do much to help her but she was going to be there, nonetheless. After everything that had happened, she owed her that, at the very least.

Quinn was…she was an enigma that Santana could never figure out and now, holding Rachel as the girl fought to keep from breaking down completely for what she suspected was not the first time, she wished that she had the ability to see into her mind, to know why she did this. Maybe then she could understand why, could understand what the other girl thought was worth more than Rachel.

They were happy, both so deliriously happy that it made her sick to watch in her loneliness. Always, always she was watching them and always there was this raging monster within her, clamouring to ruin everything and take Rachel from Quinn. Maybe then, she would have been happy too and yet, she never did it.

She wished she did, though. She wished she could have held Rachel close in happier times, wished that the girl would smile at her in the same way she would smile at Quinn instead of avoiding her gaze, the fear of what Santana would say there, a constant shadow that plagued her every move.

Stroking her hair away from her face, Santana shifted and bent so that she could lightly press her lips against Rachel's skin.

"I'm here, estrella," she whispered, her fingers combing through the soft tresses. "I'm here."

She received no verbal response but Rachel nodded, acknowledging her words. For now, she would take that. It was enough.

* * *

Warmth. That was what she felt in Santana's arms and yet, it was not enough, was not going to be enough so long as that void was there. Quinn had made sure of that when she walked away from her, from them.

She wanted it to be enough, wanted it to be everything she needed to be healed and yet she knew that wanting something was not the same as receiving it. Had she not wanted Quinn to be her forever, after all? Had she not wanted the other girl to be strong enough to endure everything else so long as they were together, same as she did every day?

Then again, she should not be surprised, not really. Everyone always left her, eventually. It was something she had come to live with, something she had come to accept ever since she was first able to understand that her fathers were not going to come home from their business trips for any longer than a few weeks at a time. It was her only constant in life, that loneliness.

Still, it felt nice to be held for once, to not have to hold it together and hide her weakness. Even if she hid the worst of it from Santana it was…nice.

Tilting her head up for a moment, she reached up to touch the girl's face. There was so much there to be read in those dark eyes, so much that she had seen long ago, hidden now in front of others but never when they were alone.

If only it had been her instead of Quinn, if only they had never…

She could not finish that thought, could not even allow her mind to go there, and so she rose up a little and connected their lips, connected everything that they were in one touch.

* * *

Kissing Rachel was like everything she remembered and yet, nothing like it at all. This was a bitter taste, second-best to Quinn as in all things, and yet still, she was the one that was there, the one that was experiencing all of this.

She knew that she should have pulled back the moment she felt Rachel's mouth on hers but she could not bring herself to break the connection. She needed this, needed it as much as the other girl, to feel something other than her own crushing loneliness and so she took it, welcomed it even as she rolled back onto her back and pulled Rachel on top of her.

The girl was a contradiction, soft curves and firm muscles that moved with a sensual grace as they kissed. It was innocent and yet, there was something about the way Rachel kissed her that was not. It was as if she was trying to seduce her but she could not quite get there, holding herself back from truly letting go.

As she lost herself in kissing this girl, Santana ran her hands under Rachel's shirt and up her back, needing that skin on skin contact that was denied by the clothes between them. She needed to feel Rachel, to experience the slow heating of her flesh as her blood truly began to flow.

It was the only way she would let herself believe that this was real, the only way she would let herself believe that it was not a dream she would wake from. She could not wake from this, could not lose what little she was allowed before she even had it.

When Rachel's tongue flicked against her bottom lip, she opened her mouth willingly, letting the girl gain dominance for now. She would take it later, if there was a later, but Rachel needed this right now, needed to control something in her life right then.

Arching into her when she felt a hand on her breast, Santana's arousal began to pool in between her thighs even as her libido raged at her to take the lead, to take control and dominate Rachel. It was strong, so strong, and gaining with each kiss, each entanglement of their tongues and each rolling of her hips that Rachel accompanied them with.

She wanted to, God knew she wanted to, but she had to rein that desire in before she acted on the impulse. It would not do any good to scare away the girl when she knew that Rachel needed someone, anyone to be there for her.

Rachel was…she was intoxicating and the more of her that she tasted, the more of her she wanted until her inner struggle was made physical. She wanted, no needed, more and she would be damned if she did not get it.

"Rach…"

Pushing the girl gently off of her, she took control, lips and fingers reverently exploring the girl beneath her. She did not remember removing their clothes but, with every inch that was revealed she would touch and taste and feel.

It was everything, absolutely everything, she desired and so, so much more that she was sure it would be the death of her.

* * *

Rachel gasped when Santana's hands took control of her body, pressing her hips down into the mattress softly as the girl sucked the skin of her throat. It felt good, so, so good and she did not want her to stop, did not want to return to what she had been feeling before.

She knew that she should not be doing this, should not be using Santana when the other girl was so willing to give her everything and yet she did not care, did not give a damn that she was substituting one girl with another. This distraction was too good, too intense to stop.

Her fingers tangled in Santana's hair and she arched up into her, wanting more of her flesh in that mouth. Santana seemed to understand this, moving tantalisingly down the column of her throat to her collarbone and her breast before taking a nipple into her mouth.

The things she felt at that action, the pleasure that accompanied it, was almost too much, forcing her to bite down on the cries that threatened to escape.

It was not enough, though.

She reached down and grasped Santana's hand, guiding it in between her legs. She needed this, needed to feel everything that Santana was offering. It was the only way to forget, the only way to escape from the loneliness.

* * *

Santana swiped her fingers through Rachel's wetness and growled in the back of her throat. This was what she had always longed for, what she had always wanted and finally she was being offered the chance to take it.

The girl beneath her thrashed wildly with every motion against her clit and she could not help but look on in wonder at Rachel's expression when she teased her entrance. She wanted more of that, more of the sight and sound of Rachel Berry in the throes of ecstasy and she was going to prolong it as much as possible.

Withdrawing her hand, she kissed a slow path down her body and settled between Rachel's legs, her fingers massaging increasingly larger circles into her thighs. She wanted Rachel to enjoy this but where to start? Where to start indeed.

Pushing her legs apart, she leant in and licked from entrance to clit, enjoying the taste of the girl she had always wanted, before pausing at the top of her mound. She licked and sucked and kissed, holding Rachel down as much as she could without hurting her, only relenting when she could no longer fight the legs that thrashed around her shoulders. Only then did she release her, moving closer to get at a better angle, her fingers entering Rachel as she worked the girl's clit over.

"San…more…please…"

Rachel was surprisingly quiet but things like that would slip out as time passed and she grew closer to the edge. It grew increasingly harder to get her fingers in and out of the girl but she continued thrusting, wanting to acquiesce to her every request if only to get her to beg for more.

Abandoning her position, she slid back up, her fingers never stopping even as she caught Rachel's mouth in a desperate kiss. The girl was close, so close and yet there was a resistance that she could not seem to get past.

"Come on Rachel, don't fight it," she whispered, her forehead on Rachel's shoulder as she began to hump the other girl's leg in an effort to get closer to her own orgasm. "I'm not her but you can trust me, okay? I'll keep you safe. Just…just let go for me, okay? Just let go."

She did not know if her words were what caused it but, as soon as she finished speaking, Rachel moaned loudly and her back bowed as she orgasmed, her walls grasping at Santana's fingers as the girl helped her to ride it out.

* * *

"I'm here, you know that?" Santana said, sometime later, her fingers combing through Rachel's hair as she held her. "I won't leave you."

Rachel nodded. She did know that. She may not be in love with Santana but maybe, just maybe she could escape the loneliness with her help. For now though, she was just too tired and the only thing she registered as she fell asleep were Santana's final words for the night.

"Te amo, estrella. Te amo."


End file.
